Have you also been sucked into the madness of 2020 and 2021? Well, you aren't alone. Here are some of my revelations, and things I am doing about it.
A little backstory though... or more lovingly what I like to call...my excuses.
When George Floyd died last Spring, the nation fell in shock, in rage, in "silence", into an Instagram sea of black squares and people using words like "white privilege" and #blacklivesmatter. I didn't really know how to respond. The video footage upon first glance was disturbing at best and down right aggravating at worse. So, my initial response came in the form of a social media post that didn't directly quote, but closely quoted scripture. I encouraged people to be quick to listen and slow to become angry.
Little did I know that encouraging people in this way would ruffle many feathers from people who felt like anger was justified. I received one particular response from this post that created a lot of hurt and division. Though the interaction ended relatively well, it played on repeat in my mind in the days to come and began to create so much anger and bitterness in my heart about the way I felt I was treated, that I decided the next time someone attacked me, I would "know my stuff". However, this was really the final straw in the victims bag of excuses I had been piling on for years at this point.
In 2017 I lost my first child to a miscarriage. This loss was one of the first triggers of victimhood. I became so depressed, I felt so alone, and as a result, my marriage was crumbling.
In 2019 I ended up in the ER after having some strange heart palpitations. This triggered so much anxiety in me that I created a whole slew of other health problems with my thyroid and my gut. And then of course the pandemic hit, BLM started their summer riots, the election happened, the U.S. Capitol was raided, Biden took office, gas prices started rising, and now anything anyone can talk about is Afghanistan. Oh, and not to mention every conversation we hear in passing can almost guarantee to be spoken in hushed tones about masks, mandates, and vaccines.
Is it any wonder our society has gone crazy? I know it's not a wonder for myself how I've gotten so sucked into it all.
My turning points...yes points plural.
At the beginning of 2021 our church did a fast. I chose to fast social media. This was my first turning point where God was beginning to lovingly help me recognize how sucked into politics I had become...but I still continued to post relatively regularly about my frustrations.
Then, the real gut punch happened at the beginning of August 2021 when Andrew Klavan, an incredible conservative Christian political commentator whom I have greatly grown to respect, came out with a video titled, "They Demonize Us for Their Failures" | Episode 1042. Minutes 5:00 through 15:00 were so revolutionary for me. I stopped, re-winded, soaked in his words, and wrote them down. In a nutshell he spoke about how we are really set off when things are unfair, how the media feeds off of our anger, and how our anger is like cocaine to Satan. He gets so high and excited off of our anger and fear. Go listen to this on YouTube if you haven't already, there's way more that he said in this chunk of time, and it was incredible. Every sentence he spoke, I felt God was using to take the scales off of my eyes, and to help me really see clearly how angry and bitter I had become.
Then, a few days ago I messaged a friend to ensure we were okay since I hadn't heard from her in a while and I received some very painfully honest, but helpful feedback. She said that I was so passionate about my political views that it was hard for her to be around me, and to feel at peace. It's certainly one thing to recognize destructive patterns in your life. It feels very different when someone admits they can see and feel it all too clearly also.
It took three major events to get my life, my mind, and my walk with The Lord down a dark hole, and it took three major encounters for me to finally realize how ugly of a victim hole I was in.
So what is God showing me now? And what do I plan to do about it?
Well, first of all, I am smack dab in the middle of answering this question. So much so that perhaps it is unwise of me to even share this to the world while I am still in process. Or perhaps it's the perfect time to share.
Satan wants nothing but for me to wallow in self-pity and shame, to grovel, and cry. Don't get me wrong, feeling guilty can be a great indicator that things aren't right, and that you're on the wrong path, but we aren't meant to stay there. I also believe that exposing our darkness to the light, makes it all the harder for Satan to hold something against us, and fill our minds with lies.
So, if you, like me are finding anything I am saying to ring true, and you also want to change, share it with a friend. Expose the darkness to the light and allow God to heal the areas of your heart and mind that only He can heal.
My plan:
As of now a few of the ideas and goals I plan to do are:
Repent of putting so many other things above God, and soak up His sweet sweet GRACE and LOVE and FORGIVENESS <3 YAY!
Forgive myself and others, and keep releasing any guilt or shame to God. He is the only one capable of washing me clean and renewing my soul and mind.
Ask for forgiveness of my friends and family, and thank them for their grace over the last several days, months, and YEARS!
Lay off the news. Though I have learned so much, good and bad, and actually really enjoy learning about politics, history, and government, I know a shift, perhaps a major shift needs to happen. I am undecided on what this looks like yet. Perhaps a fast, perhaps a limit, perhaps letting it go completely or for a time. I'm still praying about it.
Only speak with the motive of love. This once was a rule I had that was thrown out the window, and I'm excited to pick it back up and stick that rule deep in my pockets again.
Lean into more scripture, prayer, uplifting podcasts, and faith-filled music. Once upon a time this came easy for me. I craved it, and it was as easy to do as breathing. I am excited to get back to this place.
Create healthier rhythms. I felt the Lord speak to me a few weeks ago, "the rising and falling of the sun is there for your flourishing." I really would like to get more sleep, less screen time, more productive reading, less Netflix, more movement, less sitting, more positive words and thoughts, and less negative ones. So many things. I don't expect any of this to happen perfectly over night. It's a lot of goals, and changing habits that I've been hard into for a long time now. It's going to take time and that's okay.
Allow others to come alongside me. I have really sensed the Lord is shaking up EVERY area of my life not just with politics. He is so good and faithful, and is already aligning me with people to help keep me accountable, ask me good heart questions, and remind me of who I am in Christ. To these people, thank you.
Grace, Grace, Grace, and more Grace!!
If you made it to the end, thanks for reading. I hope my words may inspire you towards healthy change, encourage you that you aren't alone, or if you've been someone who has been irritated by me, concerned for me, or let go of me in your life because of any of these things, I hope you can find healing and understanding from it.
I CANNOT WAIT to see all the Lord is going to do in and through me from all of this, and the testimony He is creating because of it.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
-James 1:2-4
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